“marriages either grow bitter, or they grow better.” -mark driscoll
my wife and i are trying to do a better job of engaging in regular Bible study, and have been watching a series on marriage by a pastor at the Mars Hill church. great quote; o pray oir marriage is growing better, as outlined in Ephesians 4:25-32. i am thankful to live in a day where my wife and i can sit on our couch as the kids sleep upstairs and watch a sermon to grow our relationship together in Christ. selah.
… the fog descended upon them as they held their breath. what felt like hours was in truth only seconds passing by as the footsteps slowly abated into the silent morning. fog. the only ally they had this morning. reflecting and refracting the first rays of the new day, it shielded them from the prying eyes of their pursuer; and as they slowly, cautiously took the risk of breathing once again, the pair shared a glance. then a look. then a smile; and then a kiss. “i love you” they whispered in unison; arguably the most beautiful sound to transpire the entire day. secure for the moment, they arose and walked the path, hands held and hearts beating. the fog made sure they could never see more than two steps ahead, but also kept them from the gaze of the one would tear them apart. the journey would last as long as it did; safety would persist as long as it would; but love is eternal, and in that they found strength to walk, together, further into the unknown.
months ago, no, make thatseasonsago i started a series of three entries reflecting on one weekend. i’m so trustworthy that i only ever published the first installment. the second was never written, apparently, but here is the third:
sunday: i hate getting to church late every sunday, but i have no one to blame but myself. i need to get up earlier and do more to get us out of the house; maybe i will one day, but sunday i did not. yet, i was happy; despite our sloth, we got there in time to hear all of pastor marv’s message. my favorite part from it was when he said “Christianity is always better caught than taught,” in reference to how parents are called to present the gospel to their children. i love having him preach to us and thank God that i did not match again this year, because at least i will get to be around for more of God’s Word through him. sunday school is always my favorite part of sunday. as a teacher i am admittedly biased, but brother littlejohn really challenged me to dig deeper in my faith in God. looking at the story of lazarus, he asked us what parts of our lives do we feel is dead and fail to see that God can resurrect our lives now? i know for me it is my chance at a career in medicine. i desperately want to be a physician, but with each passing day i feel it is rotting away in its tomb. but He is the Resurrection and the Life presently, not just in the future, and no death can stand against Him. after church we went to little prince café with our family to celebrate nariah’s birthday. awesome place. it’s like chuck e cheese’s, but all clean and more modern, way more padding on hard surfaces and really good food; oh, and you have to take your shoes off. i think i actually like the feeling of being barefoot in public, or at least in socks. it makes the whole thing feel more comfortable and intimate, even if you are in public still. the kids played and had fun, the adults visited and ate. it was truly sublime for me. laura’s long-time friend leslie was there too. one of the interesting twists in the maturation of my wife and i in the Lord is our being a source of strength and encouragement for our friends and loved ones. in retrospect, i can see how this was occurring in college and even in mexico despite our extreme distance from our current walk in Christ; i recall counseling some people on how to pursue a healthy relationship in love when i was still too blind to see how i was smothering my wife in selfishness and contempt. i remember lecturing on the values of love and concern when i was still so caught up in my own life that i would treat all of laura’s ideas as insanity. i remember being called to speak on the virtues of education when i myself was skipping school as often as i could. God has never hidden from us that He wishes to use us in this way, but it is truly amazing looking at the difference between us counseling people and us being used by God to comfort people. leslie is in a very difficult place right now, and my heart goes out to her. my heart weeps for the scores of women in our lives who seem to only be trampled by the men that they love, and not cherished and respected and blessed within the safety of a marriage. it pains me not just because what they do is wrong, but because i know, in my heart, that i did the same thing to my wife. if there is any one sin in my life which satan continually exploits to bring me down, it is the recollection of how inadequate i am as a husband; but in this satan signals his own demise, because in no other area is the changing power of the Holy Spirit more evident than in my growth as a husband. God has shown mercy on me, granting me enough time to come to Him before i had driven my love from me for good. God sustained her over those difficult years, granting her patience with a wretched, monster of negativity like me; and now, God blesses her through me, a fact which fills me completely with joy. sunday ended with an up and a down. the up was the annular eclipse, which we enjoyed with our neighbors; though the kids seemed more interested in dirt than the crescent shaped shadows, still enjoyable and rewarding. the down was the spanking the kids had earned with all around poor behaviour at the end of the evening; but even this down was an upside. i am knazehrite; a husband, a father, a man who will do what i need to do, go where i must go, and strive day in and day out to live the life my Lord calls me to live with no shame in being His. my wife knows this; my kids know this. this weekend was great because i was the man i was born to be, and every day that i can say that is a good one. i pray that God continues to use me, challenge me, bless me and sustain me as He always has, and as i know He always will. selah
i need to be in bed sleeping, resting up for work tomorrow, but life’s funny like that. nothing is going as planned except the most important thing ever: my relationship with my wife. no, i didn’t plan on getting depression. i never thought i’d finish medical school but not get into residency, two years in a row. never thought it would take me 10 years to finally treat my wife with the dignity, respect and attention that she deserves. and i definitely never planned on bricking my phone only to 2 weeks later get the very upgrade i bricked my phone trying to get out of impatience. no, nothing has gone according to plan except for falling in love and somehow not screwing it up, though i’ve definitely been putting a strain on it. but just turn over and go to sleep; this is not a blog, you’really just dreaming.