if, if, if

if i made 6 figures

had no wife

            no kids

what would i do?

i would languish in misery

alone

alone

no amount of money equals family

   if i were wealthy

   with no bills

            no debt

   what would i do?

   i would destroy my soul

   wasteful

            so wasteful

   i need a challenge to thrive

      if i had everything i ever wished for

      not one regret

                        no failures

      what would i do?

      i would be the biggest fool ever

      never learning

                        never growing

      my struggles keep me moving forward

i often look around

with eyes

            with ears

                        with heart

seeing what others have

wondering what i would look like

in their lives

inevitably this venture returns inward

through the Grace of God i am blessed

with the very life i live

one fitting me

like the suit of a gentleman should

snug in all the right places

and loose were i need it

in this way i am always receiving

my wish from my Father

to be noble

            to be honorable

                        to be noteworthy

in the field of gentility

to look in the mirror

and see a man of God

more precious than money

            than comfort

                        yes, success

is to be seen by all

as an example for all

of what it means to be a man:

one who seeks

to be right with God

if only we could learn…

ok, c.s. lewis is truly awesome. if i had only half of his intellect and an eighth of his talent i would have it made! i am continually plagued by an overwhelming sense of inadequacey when i read the words of many of my philosophical heroes, and lewis is most certainly no exception. i have recently started to re-read the Abolition of Man where he tackles the issue of education and its impact on the future of our species. i recommend it to anyone who wants to see a clear outline of how important the philosophy behind a teaching can and will dictate the future of our world. 

in the first section he builds an idea that he calls “men without chests,” wherein a literature textbooks take on emotions sets him off. read the book if you want to catch him in all of his glory, but towards the end i found myself gasping aloud in awe at how beautifully he carried me to such a height of understanding. having laid the groundwork of what he refers to as “the Tao” or Truth/Reality/Reason, he goes on to say that the problem of these types of people is that they wish to dismiss all emotion as senseless amd govern based off of intellect alone, a feat which is ultimately impossible. here, he says it better than me:

without the aid of trained emotions the intellect is powerless against the animal organism. i had sooner play cards against a man who was quite skeptical about ethics, but bred to believe that ‘a gentleman does not cheat’, than against an irreproachable moral philosopher who had been brought up among sharpers. in battle it is not syllogisms that will keep the reluctant nerves and muscles to their posts in the third hour of the bombardment… we were told it all long ago by Plato. as the king governs by his execuive, so Reason in man must rule the mere appetities by means of the ‘spirited element’. the head rules the belly through the chest… it may even be said that it is by this middle element that man is man: for by his intellect he is mere spirit and by his appetite mere animal. 

the operation of The Green Book and its kind is to produce what may be called Men without Chests. it is an outrage that they should be commonly spoken of as Intellectuals. this gives them the chance to say that he who attacks them attacks Intelligence. it is not so. they are not distinguished from other men by any unusual skill in finding truth nor any virginal ardour to pursue her… their heads are no bigger than the ordinary: it is the atrophy of the chest beneath that makes them seem so.

and all the time-such is the tragi-comedy of our situation-we continue to clamour for those very qualities we are rendering impossible. you can hardly open a periodical without coming across the the statement that what our civilization needs is more ‘drive’, or dynamism, or self-sacrifice, or ‘creativity’. in a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. we make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. we laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. we castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.

written in 1944, and yet it stings to the core 68 years later. i wish i could write like him, but feel priviliged to at least read his words and know that what i feel in my heart is true, as was seen by a fellow soldier in God’s army of Truth. 

what Christ brings is what man needs: a balm to heal the wounds of the head, a Spirit to direct the beats of the heart, and Law which guides the impulses of the gut. He compels me to love, a decree which counters my impulse to be concerned only with myself. He forgives me my sins, and helps me forgive so that my emotions needn’t run wild. His Spirit empowers my heart to govern my mind, as it directs my body to walk the path of love. i hope to be a man with a chest, a chest filled with God.